Buckle up… this is my first independent (that’s a key word indicating a theme, pay attention) review of a product. For those of you keeping score at home that means this is not a paid endorsement, rather it’s pure euphoria (for me).
This past weekend, I got a Vitamix and I revolutionized my feeding tube game.
Revolutionized as in the game is changed forever… just like when the world changed after someone uttered the words, no taxation without representation.
I have to imagine that the feeling that George Washington had when he crossed the Delaware in 1776 is comparable to the emotion that I felt the first time I was able to emulsify oil and water.
A Vitamix is a blender, or I guess it’s really a line on blenders? A company that makes blenders? It’s not just any blender, though, it is the Dale Earnhardt of blenders… or line of blenders.
Want a smoothie? Blended.
Want a protein shake? Blended.
What a milkshake? Blended.
Want to destroy an old iPhone? Blended.
Why am I so excited? Because of my feeding tube, duh. My life has been a constant battle of figuring out what I can fit into the itty-bitty hole in my stomach.
It’s not like I can go around jamming Snickers bars into my feeding tube. I know I’m not myself when I’m hungry, but I really have to puree stuff if I want to push it through my feeding tube, and let me tell you, some blenders don’t do a very good job.
The Vitamix, however, does a great job. I’m definitely paying for convenience, though. Freedom isn’t free as they say, and neither is the Vitamix. There seem to be 1776 different settings, speeds and temperatures associated with this damn thing, so for someone with a feeding tube, this thing is like a godsend. AND… since it’s always bulking season for someone with CF, I constantly find myself looking for different ways to get as many calories as possible. Just like Thomas Jefferson opened up a whole new frontier over 200 years ago, the Vitamix is bringing me to new levels of nutrition that I never dreamed of.
Bottom line, it’s a price well worth it.
BUT WAIT, IT GETS BETTER.
The damn thing cleans itself. So even after I decide to have my very own Boston Tea Party and destroy the kitchen, the Dale Earnhardt of blenders cleans itself because nothing says America quite like pushing a button to make something that’s already pretty easy, even easier.
Mel Gibson picture: PHOTO 2000 – Columbia Pictures, Inc.
In conclusion, just like Benjamin Martin at Fort Wilderness (Mel Gibson, The Patriot – watch a movie for me one time) was a hero in his own right, so is the Vitamix. The Vitamix is playing an all-important role in my care and has allowed me every opportunity to supplement my diet with much needed calories to help fight CF (like the 13 colonies fought the British), and it’s way better than anything I have ever used (just like America compared to the world in anything).
